If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
