i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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