it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
