cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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