I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
