how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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