i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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