dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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