It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Houston, we have a blender
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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