it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
