somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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