I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
