Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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