Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize