Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
