I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
