at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
