I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
