You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
