I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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