im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
