i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
