I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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