Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i think i just lost a toe
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
