i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
