I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
