You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i want to swaddle you in tequila
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
