Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
