Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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