I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
