you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
