im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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