I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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