remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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