Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
