so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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