My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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