Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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