Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
