That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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