not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
