I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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