so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
