Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
