Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
