i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
