Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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