My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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