No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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