god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
