You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
