Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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