there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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