My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
