she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
