How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
