Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
