I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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