I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
