There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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