there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
