If i come over, it means nothing
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
