He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
