So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
