If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
