I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
