I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need water and some morals
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
