Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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