you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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