i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
