My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Come see our sink grown plant.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
